Listening to the news this morning, I was trying to figure out a way to help a church whose food and gifts for needy families had all been stolen. I am not a religious person, nor do I have any desire to subscribe to any of these beliefs. I want to help because I am a human being. I recognize the need to help others and receive help from others. I appreciate the strength of community. It makes me feel good to be part of something positive.
When I got into the office, I checked Facebook as I often do. One of my FB friends posted a Christian Oprah-bashing Youtube video, in which Oprah spoke about how Eckhart Tolle’s book, A New Earth affected her so deeply that she had to rethink her spirituality. The multitude of comments that followed were ridiculous. Some even went as far as accusing her of being one of the devil’s minions. I wanted to throw in my two cents and announce that I too am I a progressive thinker and Oprah is a one of the celebrities I most respect. I knew that would only serve to turn the crown against me as an easier and closer target. I opted instead to explain that many people have spiritual transitions. What people say or believe during their transitions is not important; what matters is that people are good and do good. The response to my comment was like “Yeah yeah that’s nice, but she’s gonna burn in Hell for denying Jesus Christ.” No, people, she won’t. Ignorance that is the stifling hell you already live in. If you’re too egotistical to even take the time to learn about other religions and spiritual practices, then you’re already damning yourself. Furthermore, everyone on the comment thread is Black! We already have so many social issues to face as a race, and here we are putting more separation between ourselves. AND for what?!?!?!? The bible has been written and rewritten by men who sought to control the masses, and it continues to be interpreted in a multitude of ways by men who still seek to gain power. Yet some hold those rules above logic and above our ability to innately determine what is right based on our values. It’s embarrassing!
This also brings me back to the concept of dream-killers. People are so envious of success. Wealthy people face the same spiritual and relationship challenges as poor people. Why is it so hard to believe that a woman as successful and respected as Oprah could say (and mean) something controversial? She, too, is just learning her way like the rest of us. I have a feeling that many of her harshest critics aren’t even pursuing the path to enlightenment in any manner (traditional or progressive). Why is it so easy to judge other people and so difficult to see ourselves as we truly are?
It pisses me off that there are so many people who are just looking and waiting for the opportunity to say something negative about other people. I don’t want to be associated with any of them. Life has enough challenges.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
my life in the sunshine
I’m well overdue for a philosophical ramble. Thanksgiving seems like the appropriate time. I spent the holidays down in SoCal with Twin Peaks’ sister, brother-in-law, cousins, nephews, mother and grandfather. There were 30 people for Thanksgiving dinner. A few of us were overwhelmed by the atmosphere and escaped to the front stoop for some quiet and fresh air. As one would expect, there was the one overbearing, liquored-up older gentleman. We did our best to avoid him as much as possible. We pretended to have really engaging private conversations as he approached. Funny.
The kids were my favorites. It seems that the children in this family are all old souls. They have conversations far beyond their years, but still manage to hold on to the playfulness of youth. I felt more similar to them than the adults, who rarely wanted to play and were more concerned with sharing information. I ran out of juice on Thursday though. That’s the thing about trying to keep up with young people.
I got my energy back as I napped through most of the traffic-nightmare ride back home. We arrive back in SF at 11PM Saturday night, and I was at SOM for Rich Medina at 11:40. I left there to see Marques Wyatt at Mighty around 2AM. I also went out to Townhouse in Venice on Wednesday night for Marques. I suppose that’s why I had nothing left for playing with the young people on Thursday.
When I finally got home Sunday morning at 4:30AM, I donned my flannel polar bear PJ’s, poured myself a tall glass of water, cracked open a beer and settled in. I had one cocktail upon arriving at the club at 11:30, but then I figured that it wasn’t a good idea to continue since I was probably still tired from traveling. That was a really really smart move. You know, I can be so wise one moment and ridiculous the next. I didn’t leave my bed to get dressed until I got up for work this morning. I still feel a little bit tired, but soooo much better since I actually slept in my own bed again. Next time, I am going to splurge for a hotel room so I can be more comfortable. I’m too spoiled to sleep on couches.
On the way into the office this morning I thought about all of the things I have to be thankful for. The one thing that stood out to me was my childlike enthusiasm, playfulness and curiosity. Sure, I don’t have as much as I had when I was a child, but I do have a lot more than most women my age. I think that this part of a woman is sacrificed when she has a child. I know lots of moms who play, but none who play as much as I do. Their energy is used up caring for the family and looking after everyone’s needs. They sacrifice their play so others can play. I have never had the desire to do that. I didn’t really understand that I had to give that up in order to become a mother, but I knew that whatever it was I had to give up was something I wasn’t ready to part with. I thought it was simply the freedom of independent concern. That alone wouldn’t be so bad, actually. It’s the play that I would miss most.
My true childhood has been the past 10 years. I played tentatively when I was a child. As the only girl allowed outside the house on our block, I had to scrap my way out of stinky boy dogpiles. I had to be a bigger daredevil , run faster, jump higher. I had to use weapons to defend myself. I had to read body language and observe suspicious behavior. I had a few miscalculations along the way, but those were the best teachers. All of my young life I was surrounded by males. I didn’t realize until the past 10 years that there was a safer, more caring and relaxed environment with females. Most of the females I knew as a child, including my mother, were severe, calculating and vengeful. Men of any time, even perverts, were preferable to that.
Now that I know what a childhood really is, I can understand why people have children. It is such a beautiful gift to bestow on another living being. I’m still not sold on the childbearing thing, but maybe I’ll grow into adoption someday. Until then, I’ll just get a puppy.
The kids were my favorites. It seems that the children in this family are all old souls. They have conversations far beyond their years, but still manage to hold on to the playfulness of youth. I felt more similar to them than the adults, who rarely wanted to play and were more concerned with sharing information. I ran out of juice on Thursday though. That’s the thing about trying to keep up with young people.
I got my energy back as I napped through most of the traffic-nightmare ride back home. We arrive back in SF at 11PM Saturday night, and I was at SOM for Rich Medina at 11:40. I left there to see Marques Wyatt at Mighty around 2AM. I also went out to Townhouse in Venice on Wednesday night for Marques. I suppose that’s why I had nothing left for playing with the young people on Thursday.
When I finally got home Sunday morning at 4:30AM, I donned my flannel polar bear PJ’s, poured myself a tall glass of water, cracked open a beer and settled in. I had one cocktail upon arriving at the club at 11:30, but then I figured that it wasn’t a good idea to continue since I was probably still tired from traveling. That was a really really smart move. You know, I can be so wise one moment and ridiculous the next. I didn’t leave my bed to get dressed until I got up for work this morning. I still feel a little bit tired, but soooo much better since I actually slept in my own bed again. Next time, I am going to splurge for a hotel room so I can be more comfortable. I’m too spoiled to sleep on couches.
On the way into the office this morning I thought about all of the things I have to be thankful for. The one thing that stood out to me was my childlike enthusiasm, playfulness and curiosity. Sure, I don’t have as much as I had when I was a child, but I do have a lot more than most women my age. I think that this part of a woman is sacrificed when she has a child. I know lots of moms who play, but none who play as much as I do. Their energy is used up caring for the family and looking after everyone’s needs. They sacrifice their play so others can play. I have never had the desire to do that. I didn’t really understand that I had to give that up in order to become a mother, but I knew that whatever it was I had to give up was something I wasn’t ready to part with. I thought it was simply the freedom of independent concern. That alone wouldn’t be so bad, actually. It’s the play that I would miss most.
My true childhood has been the past 10 years. I played tentatively when I was a child. As the only girl allowed outside the house on our block, I had to scrap my way out of stinky boy dogpiles. I had to be a bigger daredevil , run faster, jump higher. I had to use weapons to defend myself. I had to read body language and observe suspicious behavior. I had a few miscalculations along the way, but those were the best teachers. All of my young life I was surrounded by males. I didn’t realize until the past 10 years that there was a safer, more caring and relaxed environment with females. Most of the females I knew as a child, including my mother, were severe, calculating and vengeful. Men of any time, even perverts, were preferable to that.
Now that I know what a childhood really is, I can understand why people have children. It is such a beautiful gift to bestow on another living being. I’m still not sold on the childbearing thing, but maybe I’ll grow into adoption someday. Until then, I’ll just get a puppy.
Monday, November 21, 2011
stop getting my hopes up
The original estimate for how long it would take to get me back on the road was BS. I’m sure that Dr. Hotness didn’t intend to bullshit me, but it’s clear that I’m not ready to start running yet. I’m almost two weeks overdue, not that it’s at all important for me to keep count.
I almost don’t miss it… almost. I’ve been doing a lot of yoga: between 40 minutes and 2 hours every day. I’ve been on and off with the meditation, sacrificing it for yoga, cardio or sleep. Today is the 3rd day that I didn’t have a morning session. Tomorrow I will have one! Must. Hypnotize. Self. In the evenings I squeeze as much of my physical therapy homework and yoga in as I possibly can before bedtime. I’ve been getting to bed later, 10:30 – 11:30PM. It’s not helping the meditation practice at all. When I turn the alarm off in the morning I feel like I am hung over. Not cute.
I think I’m very close to being ready to run on dirt at least. I’ve been playing A LOT of Kinect Dance Central. Sure, my knee still feels uncomfortable, but it doesn’t have that disturbing intensity until I’ve been dancing for about 4 hours. Yesterday I experimented with taking breaks, and I was able to get up to 6 hours when I take a 5-15 minute break every couple of hours. After 6 hours, though, I was tired and it was too late to keep going. I’ll have to test it out again starting earlier in the day next time. He he he. It was pretty fun. Despite how stiff I felt, I spent an hour and some change doing Shiva Rea’s Moon Sequence on her Yoga Shakti DVD - http://shivarea.com/online-store. I really like the Yoga Matrix, where you can pick which poses you want to do in your session, but there’s a really irritating delay in the transitions.
The great news is that my IT band is super loose following the 10 days without any cardio exercise. I got some really deep TFL bodywork, and it wasn’t nearly as painful as it was before the retreat. I gave Dr. Hotness my hypothesis about how I’ve managed to make so much progress in such a short time, but he prefers to believe that it’s all from his treatment. Whatever. You say tomato… The important thing is that I’m getting better. I had my first visit to the physical therapist at Kaiser, as recommended by my Primary Care Physician. Apparently she has some suspicion of other recovery methods, so she wants me to see the official hospital physical therapist. As it turns out, my Kaiser PT is a very forward-thinking practitioner (Leslie somebody). She wants to support my ongoing treatments with other practitioners by simply monitoring my progress and adding one or two new complementary exercises as needed. Unfortunately, I don’t think the crunching noise is going anywhere. I’ll look more into that after we’ve done something about the bone-on-bone issue. Priorities.
During a Feldenkrais session I said out loud, “I feel so much better balanced since I haven’t been doing any weight training.” My Super Scorpion is actually fun now! I used to wrestle myself into a sweat just trying to turn onto one side, and now I can roll over in either direction while having a conversation. I ran it by Dr. Hotness, and he agreed. I’m already really muscular (I needed to be reminded of that); there’s no need to make them bigger. He suggested I try Pilates and wrinkled his face a bit at the mention of yoga, but I’m an independent thinker (LOL read: hard-headed). After having a home practice refresher with our resident yogi, I came to the realization that I should just swear off certain common poses until further notice. I ran across a couple of them during the Yoga Shakti video last night as well – double pigeon is the devil. Have you seen the pose? NOT IT!
I almost don’t miss it… almost. I’ve been doing a lot of yoga: between 40 minutes and 2 hours every day. I’ve been on and off with the meditation, sacrificing it for yoga, cardio or sleep. Today is the 3rd day that I didn’t have a morning session. Tomorrow I will have one! Must. Hypnotize. Self. In the evenings I squeeze as much of my physical therapy homework and yoga in as I possibly can before bedtime. I’ve been getting to bed later, 10:30 – 11:30PM. It’s not helping the meditation practice at all. When I turn the alarm off in the morning I feel like I am hung over. Not cute.
I think I’m very close to being ready to run on dirt at least. I’ve been playing A LOT of Kinect Dance Central. Sure, my knee still feels uncomfortable, but it doesn’t have that disturbing intensity until I’ve been dancing for about 4 hours. Yesterday I experimented with taking breaks, and I was able to get up to 6 hours when I take a 5-15 minute break every couple of hours. After 6 hours, though, I was tired and it was too late to keep going. I’ll have to test it out again starting earlier in the day next time. He he he. It was pretty fun. Despite how stiff I felt, I spent an hour and some change doing Shiva Rea’s Moon Sequence on her Yoga Shakti DVD - http://shivarea.com/online-store. I really like the Yoga Matrix, where you can pick which poses you want to do in your session, but there’s a really irritating delay in the transitions.
The great news is that my IT band is super loose following the 10 days without any cardio exercise. I got some really deep TFL bodywork, and it wasn’t nearly as painful as it was before the retreat. I gave Dr. Hotness my hypothesis about how I’ve managed to make so much progress in such a short time, but he prefers to believe that it’s all from his treatment. Whatever. You say tomato… The important thing is that I’m getting better. I had my first visit to the physical therapist at Kaiser, as recommended by my Primary Care Physician. Apparently she has some suspicion of other recovery methods, so she wants me to see the official hospital physical therapist. As it turns out, my Kaiser PT is a very forward-thinking practitioner (Leslie somebody). She wants to support my ongoing treatments with other practitioners by simply monitoring my progress and adding one or two new complementary exercises as needed. Unfortunately, I don’t think the crunching noise is going anywhere. I’ll look more into that after we’ve done something about the bone-on-bone issue. Priorities.
During a Feldenkrais session I said out loud, “I feel so much better balanced since I haven’t been doing any weight training.” My Super Scorpion is actually fun now! I used to wrestle myself into a sweat just trying to turn onto one side, and now I can roll over in either direction while having a conversation. I ran it by Dr. Hotness, and he agreed. I’m already really muscular (I needed to be reminded of that); there’s no need to make them bigger. He suggested I try Pilates and wrinkled his face a bit at the mention of yoga, but I’m an independent thinker (LOL read: hard-headed). After having a home practice refresher with our resident yogi, I came to the realization that I should just swear off certain common poses until further notice. I ran across a couple of them during the Yoga Shakti video last night as well – double pigeon is the devil. Have you seen the pose? NOT IT!
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
If I stop wearing anti-perspirant, I'll be 100% hippie.
It’s unusual for me to post blogs on consecutive days, especially with the two hours of meditation I’m in the process of adding to my daily routine. However, I felt like today really needed an entry.
This morning I woke up feeling like I’d been thrown out of a moving vehicle. It would be easier for me to list the muscles and joints that aren’t sore. Of course it’s getting worse as the day wears on. Somehow I’m still in a great mood.
I only made it through about 12 minutes of meditation last night after 20 minutes of restorative yoga. I threw in the towel, assuming that I really needed sleep much more than anything else. Man, was I right! I woke up at 5:27AM, 3 minutes before my alarm. I sat up, arranged my pillow pile and sat for almost a full hour of meditation. There was a 3 minute interruption when my space heater freaked out and jarred me out of my trance like a blaring fire alarm. I jumped up, full flight, and soared across the room to turn it off. I didn’t know that I could move that fast! Usually it takes me about 10 seconds to wake my feet back up from the sitting posture, and I was also sore and a little bit sleepy still. Whoa. It took me the next 2+ minutes to wind myself back down. I have this hand motion that I like to do to remind myself to let go. It looks like I’m grabbing something from the side of my head and throwing it down on the floor. I had to do that a couple of times to shake off being startled.
Afterwards I poured myself a gigantic cup of coffee with soy creamer and, instead of getting back in bed with it like I usually do, I made the bed and prepped for yoga. A few sun salutations and twists later, I finished off my coffee and got ready for work. My 17-mile commute took me an hour this morning – UGH. I didn’t seem to mind it much though. In fact, I didn’t even realize how long it had taken until I spoke to my cube-mates later about how well my morning came together.
I broke 500 miles on one tank of gas. The low fuel light came on at 502 miles exactly. I probably could have gotten even more out of it if traffic wasn’t so horrendous. Not bad for a 2006 Jetta TDI. I know I’m not supposed to love a car, but it is really making it easy for me. I am so thankful. I’ve picked a couple of lemons, and it’s a real pain in the ass.
During a coffee convo this morning, I talked about one of my old friends who has typically been challenging to get along with. Another mutual friend gave me kudos for staying in touch with him and, against all odds, remaining his friend. I explained that I believe everyone has value. This particular friend, mostly by observing him, reminds me not to take things for granted. He reminds me that everyone has feelings, and I should apologize when I hurt them (even if I’m “right”). He reminds me that being nice is often so easy and brings such great reward. He reminds me that, no matter how small, a good deed is always worth doing when you have the ability – regardless of whether or not the person you are doing it for appreciates it because you are really just doing it for yourself and your own self-worth. He reminds me that ‘what’s in it for me?’ is not an acceptable attitude. He also reminds me, and this is HUGE for me right now, that not everyone feels compassion or even realizes their influence on others, and that doesn’t make someone an evil or inferior person. We are all ignorant is some regard.
This morning I woke up feeling like I’d been thrown out of a moving vehicle. It would be easier for me to list the muscles and joints that aren’t sore. Of course it’s getting worse as the day wears on. Somehow I’m still in a great mood.
I only made it through about 12 minutes of meditation last night after 20 minutes of restorative yoga. I threw in the towel, assuming that I really needed sleep much more than anything else. Man, was I right! I woke up at 5:27AM, 3 minutes before my alarm. I sat up, arranged my pillow pile and sat for almost a full hour of meditation. There was a 3 minute interruption when my space heater freaked out and jarred me out of my trance like a blaring fire alarm. I jumped up, full flight, and soared across the room to turn it off. I didn’t know that I could move that fast! Usually it takes me about 10 seconds to wake my feet back up from the sitting posture, and I was also sore and a little bit sleepy still. Whoa. It took me the next 2+ minutes to wind myself back down. I have this hand motion that I like to do to remind myself to let go. It looks like I’m grabbing something from the side of my head and throwing it down on the floor. I had to do that a couple of times to shake off being startled.
Afterwards I poured myself a gigantic cup of coffee with soy creamer and, instead of getting back in bed with it like I usually do, I made the bed and prepped for yoga. A few sun salutations and twists later, I finished off my coffee and got ready for work. My 17-mile commute took me an hour this morning – UGH. I didn’t seem to mind it much though. In fact, I didn’t even realize how long it had taken until I spoke to my cube-mates later about how well my morning came together.
I broke 500 miles on one tank of gas. The low fuel light came on at 502 miles exactly. I probably could have gotten even more out of it if traffic wasn’t so horrendous. Not bad for a 2006 Jetta TDI. I know I’m not supposed to love a car, but it is really making it easy for me. I am so thankful. I’ve picked a couple of lemons, and it’s a real pain in the ass.
During a coffee convo this morning, I talked about one of my old friends who has typically been challenging to get along with. Another mutual friend gave me kudos for staying in touch with him and, against all odds, remaining his friend. I explained that I believe everyone has value. This particular friend, mostly by observing him, reminds me not to take things for granted. He reminds me that everyone has feelings, and I should apologize when I hurt them (even if I’m “right”). He reminds me that being nice is often so easy and brings such great reward. He reminds me that, no matter how small, a good deed is always worth doing when you have the ability – regardless of whether or not the person you are doing it for appreciates it because you are really just doing it for yourself and your own self-worth. He reminds me that ‘what’s in it for me?’ is not an acceptable attitude. He also reminds me, and this is HUGE for me right now, that not everyone feels compassion or even realizes their influence on others, and that doesn’t make someone an evil or inferior person. We are all ignorant is some regard.
Tuesday, November 15, 2011
No, it's not a cult.
I haven’t written a blog in a while because, well, I’ve been feeling unusually sane since returning from a 10-day silent meditation retreat. The Northern California Vipassana Center has 10-day courses throughout the year: http://www.manda.dhamma.org/. Although this particular facility (there are three in California) is a bit no-frills, I greatly benefitted from the lack of stimulation.
My first retreat was in Thailand in the rural town of Chaiya at Suan Mokkh Monastery in November of 2008. That was quite an experience. First timers to this type of program are always a bit crazed during the first half of the course because of the overwhelming onslaught of thoughts. At Suan Mokkh I also had the added stress of being abroad alone for the first time in a place I’d never before visited. I ran out of bug spray about halfway through the program, and my money was locked up with the rest of my valuables and electronics. I would not have access to them until day 10. The mosquitos were eating me alive. I was screwed BIG TIME. Although I look back and admire my former self’s resolve for sticking with it and overcoming the maddening itching of dozens of bites, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I’ve recommended the course to many, but I warn each person to make sure they are armed with enough supplies (especially bug spray) to make it through to the end.
At Dhamma Manda I had the chance to observe first-timers and entertain myself with their misery. Don’t get me wrong, I had my own issues with joint pain and boredom, but these thing s are to be expected. I had forgotten just how much pain is associated with 10-11 hours of sitting meditation, but that’s not what you take away from the experience. I think the first time is more life-altering than the second, but I definitely understood more of the concepts in the lectures. I also had more of a sense for how important it was that I absorb as much of the teachings as possible. Once you go home, the world comes rushing back into your life and the calm quiet mind is nearly impossible to hold on to.
Although all of the lectures are prerecorded DVDs of S.N. Goenka, the teaching is very well put together. Considering how much he wanders off topic, it had to be a challenge to organize. New students to Dhamma Manda are allowed to attend their first course for free, as a gift from former attendees. The reasoning behind this is that once you have gained the key to unlock serenity and balance within yourself, you will want to share it with as many people as possible. In the end this concept is genius. I’m signed up for a recurring monthly donation.
Sure, it's not for eveyone - nothing really is. I'mn finding a major challenge is continuing my meditation practice at home: one hour in the morning and one in teh evening. o far I've only made it through a full hour sitting twice. Supposedly if you are able to make meditation part of your life for a full year, you will become a lifelong meditator. Well, even if I don't end up being a lifelong meditator , at least I can have more awareness of myself. That alone was worth it.
My first retreat was in Thailand in the rural town of Chaiya at Suan Mokkh Monastery in November of 2008. That was quite an experience. First timers to this type of program are always a bit crazed during the first half of the course because of the overwhelming onslaught of thoughts. At Suan Mokkh I also had the added stress of being abroad alone for the first time in a place I’d never before visited. I ran out of bug spray about halfway through the program, and my money was locked up with the rest of my valuables and electronics. I would not have access to them until day 10. The mosquitos were eating me alive. I was screwed BIG TIME. Although I look back and admire my former self’s resolve for sticking with it and overcoming the maddening itching of dozens of bites, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. I’ve recommended the course to many, but I warn each person to make sure they are armed with enough supplies (especially bug spray) to make it through to the end.
At Dhamma Manda I had the chance to observe first-timers and entertain myself with their misery. Don’t get me wrong, I had my own issues with joint pain and boredom, but these thing s are to be expected. I had forgotten just how much pain is associated with 10-11 hours of sitting meditation, but that’s not what you take away from the experience. I think the first time is more life-altering than the second, but I definitely understood more of the concepts in the lectures. I also had more of a sense for how important it was that I absorb as much of the teachings as possible. Once you go home, the world comes rushing back into your life and the calm quiet mind is nearly impossible to hold on to.
Although all of the lectures are prerecorded DVDs of S.N. Goenka, the teaching is very well put together. Considering how much he wanders off topic, it had to be a challenge to organize. New students to Dhamma Manda are allowed to attend their first course for free, as a gift from former attendees. The reasoning behind this is that once you have gained the key to unlock serenity and balance within yourself, you will want to share it with as many people as possible. In the end this concept is genius. I’m signed up for a recurring monthly donation.
Sure, it's not for eveyone - nothing really is. I'mn finding a major challenge is continuing my meditation practice at home: one hour in the morning and one in teh evening. o far I've only made it through a full hour sitting twice. Supposedly if you are able to make meditation part of your life for a full year, you will become a lifelong meditator. Well, even if I don't end up being a lifelong meditator , at least I can have more awareness of myself. That alone was worth it.
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Feels good to be back
I'm just finished up my first week back in the gym, and I feel really good. I had to keep reminding myself to take it slowly. I still managed to make myself outrageously sore, but I suppose I wouldn't have been satisfied if I hadn't.
On Tuesday I had a half hour of full body strengthening with traditional exercises like bench press, shadow boxing with dumbbells, modified burpees, step-ups and crunches every which way. I also had a half hour of bodywork on my adductors (did I spell that correctly?) and IT band.
Wednesday was another half hour of bodywork and a half hour of physical therapy on my own.
Thursday, another half hour of work on the IT band and 10 minutes of rolling the hip on a PVC pipe. Followed that up with 100 kettle bell swings, 25 kettle bell squats (those felt weird because my knee is still scraping) and a handstand mini-clinic. I think the handstands did more for my confidence than anything else.
Friday was hands-on Feldenkrais. I felt pretty beat up, so I arrived to my training session without any direction or ambition. As he always does, The Sage knew what I needed. All I had to do was show up.
Yesterday I went to a nice slower-paced yoga class. My knee was a bit tender afterwards but I felt strong throughout the class. We're getting there.
This week's chiropractor appointment went very well. The knotted areas where my IT Band is fused have begun to soften. I think we may even get some movement this week! I'm hopeful. I finally received my PVC roller for home and FiveFinger shoes. This newer pair is much more comfortable than the previous because the material is thinner and more flexible. I'd like to try a half size bigger, especially before attempting to run in them. I still have at least another 4 weeks before considering running again though. Baby steps.
On Tuesday I had a half hour of full body strengthening with traditional exercises like bench press, shadow boxing with dumbbells, modified burpees, step-ups and crunches every which way. I also had a half hour of bodywork on my adductors (did I spell that correctly?) and IT band.
Wednesday was another half hour of bodywork and a half hour of physical therapy on my own.
Thursday, another half hour of work on the IT band and 10 minutes of rolling the hip on a PVC pipe. Followed that up with 100 kettle bell swings, 25 kettle bell squats (those felt weird because my knee is still scraping) and a handstand mini-clinic. I think the handstands did more for my confidence than anything else.
Friday was hands-on Feldenkrais. I felt pretty beat up, so I arrived to my training session without any direction or ambition. As he always does, The Sage knew what I needed. All I had to do was show up.
Yesterday I went to a nice slower-paced yoga class. My knee was a bit tender afterwards but I felt strong throughout the class. We're getting there.
This week's chiropractor appointment went very well. The knotted areas where my IT Band is fused have begun to soften. I think we may even get some movement this week! I'm hopeful. I finally received my PVC roller for home and FiveFinger shoes. This newer pair is much more comfortable than the previous because the material is thinner and more flexible. I'd like to try a half size bigger, especially before attempting to run in them. I still have at least another 4 weeks before considering running again though. Baby steps.
posted from Bloggeroid
Monday, October 3, 2011
More Whining
I can’t stand complaining, doing it or hearing it. Lately I’ve been doing a lot of it.
I can’t run. Well, I could run if I absolutely had to but it would just cause me pain. I went to see the chiropractor last Thursday as advised by The Sage. My IT Band Syndrome is developing rapidly, causing the hip (TFL) pain that makes me limp.
The way he described it was that two things that would normally slide back and forth beside each other have been so tight that heat from the friction has fused them together in several places. Those frozen spots are preventing my knee cap from moving the way it was intended, and now it is threatening to become immobile. Everything from there is just a series of domino effect compensations I’ve been making while attempting to manage my active lifestyle.
After listening to the rice crispies during a test squat (he actually winced when he heard it), he did something (very painful) to my knee and it stopped its crackling for a few hours. The crunchies eventually returned, but they’re still not as loud as before I went to see him. I had this disconnected sensation in my kneecap for a while. I went out for a little dancing that night – a sad excuse for dancing, really. I didn’t even come close to breaking a sweat out of fear that I would hurt myself or reverse the work I received. Still, it was nice to be out for a change. It was apparent at that point that the Nike Women’s Marathon isn’t happening for me, so why not go out for a drink?
Dr. Hotness (Did I mention that he’s hot? Yeah, it’s a little distracting but a welcome distraction) told me to “take it easy”, which is word for word what The Sage told me a couple of weeks ago when I switched from impact cardio to cycling. Apparently cycling is not “easy” enough? Just when I thought the worst was over, he did some work on my hip too. It hurt like a bitch! Thankfully it was brief.
In addition to rest, he recommended some PVC pipe roller time for both the hip and IT Band. He also showed me an exercise to strengthen my weak vastus medialus on the right leg (left one is fine) using a resistance band.
I feel lost. I went to see a therapist on Friday. I told her that I need help to keep it together during this weird transition. It all started with the upper respiratory infection earlier this year. I haven’t been myself since. I’ve been this unrecognizable mess. I’ve been in denial of it all too. Time to turn this handbasket around! I have to accept that I am not invincible. I am getting older. I’m not as physically resilient as I used to be. I need more rest, better nutrition and less impulsiveness. I have to take better care of myself. I’m not a kid anymore. It’s depressing.
I can’t run. Well, I could run if I absolutely had to but it would just cause me pain. I went to see the chiropractor last Thursday as advised by The Sage. My IT Band Syndrome is developing rapidly, causing the hip (TFL) pain that makes me limp.
After listening to the rice crispies during a test squat (he actually winced when he heard it), he did something (very painful) to my knee and it stopped its crackling for a few hours. The crunchies eventually returned, but they’re still not as loud as before I went to see him. I had this disconnected sensation in my kneecap for a while. I went out for a little dancing that night – a sad excuse for dancing, really. I didn’t even come close to breaking a sweat out of fear that I would hurt myself or reverse the work I received. Still, it was nice to be out for a change. It was apparent at that point that the Nike Women’s Marathon isn’t happening for me, so why not go out for a drink?
Dr. Hotness (Did I mention that he’s hot? Yeah, it’s a little distracting but a welcome distraction) told me to “take it easy”, which is word for word what The Sage told me a couple of weeks ago when I switched from impact cardio to cycling. Apparently cycling is not “easy” enough? Just when I thought the worst was over, he did some work on my hip too. It hurt like a bitch! Thankfully it was brief.
In addition to rest, he recommended some PVC pipe roller time for both the hip and IT Band. He also showed me an exercise to strengthen my weak vastus medialus on the right leg (left one is fine) using a resistance band.
I placed an order for my very own PVC roller to have at home. I’ve also gone in for some deep bodywork on the trouble area – even better than just rolling. I have a half hour scheduled for every day this week. I am completely focused on making this recovery as speedy as possible. I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL THIS IS RESOLVED!!!
Dr. Hotness is confident that I’ll be running again with ease. He wants to see my shoes – this makes me nervous because I know I shouldn’t be using so much support. I always buy trail shoes because they aren’t as soft as regular road running shoes, but they’re still evil. I ordered a new pair of “barefoot” runners. Hopefully they will arrive soon so I can start breaking them in. That will cheer me up a little.
I’m extremely endorphin-deprived. I’m cranky. I binge. My energy level is inconsistent. I drink too much coffee, I sleep fitfully and I’m just miserable. I feel like someone else, not myself. I don’t even know who this person is. She is getting on my last nerve with her constant complaining. Three weeks! Three weeks is how long I am to “take it easy” to figure out if the physical therapy is working. No leg workouts for three weeks? Can I do that? I’m gonna go nuts! Maybe I am already nuts! Leg workouts are the only thing I know: run, climb stairs, bike, hike, dance. What else is there?
I feel lost. I went to see a therapist on Friday. I told her that I need help to keep it together during this weird transition. It all started with the upper respiratory infection earlier this year. I haven’t been myself since. I’ve been this unrecognizable mess. I’ve been in denial of it all too. Time to turn this handbasket around! I have to accept that I am not invincible. I am getting older. I’m not as physically resilient as I used to be. I need more rest, better nutrition and less impulsiveness. I have to take better care of myself. I’m not a kid anymore. It’s depressing.
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