I practically had to throw a royal fit in the hospital to get them to take me seriously. I went as far as threatening to take my own life if they insisted that I take her home. I said that I had no desire to harm her, but, since there was no one else to care for her, I might need to drug her. They put me in a secured room with no access to a phone. They took all my belongings and sent me to John George, the local psychiatric hospital. I spent the night there, about six hours, and the morning psychiatrist released me after a very brief interview. I'd spoken to so many people by that point that there was really no indication that I would be a danger to anyone. It was pretty clear that I did not belong there. John George, by the way, strikes me as the type of facility used as storage for people who cannot be trusted in society. I sincerely doubt that anyone would go there to "get better". I was warned not to say those kinds of things anymore, regardless of how frustrated I become. I was also advised by some of the staff there that I should refuse mom's discharge over the phone or simply stop answering their calls and force them to do whatever they'd do if she had nowhere to go.
I took their advice. I even blocked the hospital from ringing my phone so I wouldn't be tempted. I let that go on for almost a week, and then my brother started losing it. They were harassing him constantly. I didn't feel any sympathy for him, but I did worry about the house since it's still in her name with that ridiculous reverse mortgage hanging over it. I called the Kaiser social worker and left a message, but I got no response. I decided to take a chance and visit her, hoping that I hadn't been placed on some black list. She was well. She was actually happy! She was on some good drugs, and she had someone to talk to all the time. She still refused to exercise, but that's not my problem anymore.
Mom's doctor has officially listed her as physically and mentally incapable of living independently, which I'd been pushing for almost a year with no progress. Now that Kaiser has to care for her, all the adjustments to her medical records are swift and easy. The new social worker assigned to her case is ready to help me in every way she can. If I can get the VA application moving forward, she'll be all situated asap. I don't know what that timeline looks like in this land of seemingly endless red tape, but at least there is progress now. I kept getting turned away when I was trying to do it all alone. Nobody wanted to help me. Now she's their responsibility, so they're being polite to me because I am technically helping them.
For the first time since I took over her care, I feel optimistic about the direction in which things are going. Although the process may take a while, I can see an achievable goal.
I started driving a Lyft rental last weekend. I'm making decent money for something that requires no training. I'm not loving it, but I am grateful for it. I'm still tired, but I am not plagued with worry like I was two weeks ago, and I can sleep at night. Omg I can sleep! I wish I had more hours to sleep and screw around, but I gotta get these bills under control. I'm hitting it hard. It feels good. I don't care about the long hours. I just want to clean up and organize this mess.
Since I am in the car so much, I've already finished three audio books. One of which was a beginner's guide to tarot. Despite the mediocre quality of the recording, I felt inspired. As depicted in today's card from my hauntingly beautiful Mary-El deck, 3 of Swords, the peaceful dove summons the courage, strength and energy to carry the burden of power through a storm. Although it appears to be small and laboring, the intense struggle is transforming it into a mighty eagle. I never thought of myself as a dove, but to this dove I can definitely relate. The job looks impossible, but she's doing it. That's my girl.
