Adventures in Cohabitation - Bitchfest #1

At this moment I am having a cup of drip coffee. I normally don’t do this in the afternoon, but I am exhausted. I was up late (as I have been every night this damn week) fixing yet something else in the new place. It was such a stupid thing too – setting up the digital receiver so I can watch the news from bed before getting ready for work. It’s something that helps me get up and ready to face the world. I’d asked Killa B to set it up for me on his day off yesterday. He forgot. He forgets lots of things. I guess I shouldn’t complain since I do too, but I’m going to anyway. Women…


I fully expected “shacking up” to be a difficult transition for me. I know I am very well suited to living alone. I have countless obsessive-compulsive habits that don’t bother me much, but I can see how they may drive someone else crazy. Killa B has gotten a glimpse of them during these past months that we’ve been dating. Now that we have been living under the same roof for almost a week, I am starting to think that I will be the one to go crazy, not him. I’ve managed to stop myself from incessantly nagging the poor man every hour that we spend together. However, I’m starting to feel twinges of resentment building up. We’re going to nip this in the bud now because I don’t do the passive-aggressive thing. There’s no need to play the ‘guess what’s wrong with me’ game because I’m going to tell you in plain English. Either we’re on the same team or you can kiss my entire ass.


I like to have luxurious finishes in my home: shiny granite, smooth clean floors, fluffy warm towels and beddings and everything you need within reach just by opening a closet, drawer or cabinet door. I am also obsessively clean and organized. I am ware that this is unusual. 90% of people are probably not going to have the same standard of clean as I do. This is why I carry wet wipes in my car and my gym bag contains miniature versions of just about every type of sanitary and hygiene product you can think of, separated by cosmetic and Ziploc bags. In my mind, it’s not as bad as it sounds because I don’t give it the white glove treatment every day. I usually let dust build up for a week or two. Biological waste is my main concern. I don’t like food to sit out and attract bugs. I don’t like to look into the toilet and see remnants of the last person to use it. I don’t want a nasty film of God knows what in the sink where I expect to clean my hand or dishes. I don’t want to turn the covers down on the bed and see hairs on the sheets. I especially don’t want to spend every weekend doing a thorough housecleaning when I could just spend a few seconds spot cleaning everything after I use it. I am really just as lazy as the next person, but I want to lie around in a sparkling clean apartment. It’s when the chores are done that I can truly relax. That is, in my opinion, as it should be.


I’ve realized that I do not have roommate-friendly furnishings. When I purchased my futon, I bought it for the bedroom at my mom’s house. I had some lavender paint, which I applied while home sick with strep throat for almost a week. Ok, I’m only really lazy until I get bored; then I start doing things on the “to do when there’s absolutely nothing else to do” list. I purchased the futon to brighten up the room because the lavender paint was a little darker than I expected. The futon is off white. So are the dining chairs. The walls in the new place are also off white. I really want to paint but Killa B is trying to discourage me from doing that. We’ll see who wins that debate. Keeping everything clean would be a chore even if I were living there by myself – and I normally change clothes as soon as I get home to keep “outside dirt” off the furniture. Realistically, I can’t expect Killa B to change his clothes before sitting on the couch. Hell, I can’t even keep him from sleeping on the damn thing! Basically, I am going to have replace the off-white futon cover in another 4-6 weeks. I think I’ll opt for leather next time. I may as well get rid of those dining chairs now… and the animal pelt rugs and throw pillows. I keep reminding myself that this can work. I just have to bend a little and make a few changes.


I’m such a hardass sometimes. I have a very particular and deliberate way of doing most things. It’s really bad right now because this is a new place, which was immaculate when we moved in. I want to keep from dominating Killa B at every turn. I need to leave him to do things on his own without the constant watchful eye or nitpicky criticisms. If I still feel the need to come back and clean up after he has cleaned (as he probably expects me to do since I have terrible OCD at home), then it shouldn’t be a grand exhibition. That says, ‘look at me redoing this because you are incapable of doing it correctly’. That’s just wrong. I hate it when people play the martyr.