Say What? Getting to know my blood type.

I take just about every piece of advice I get with a grain of salt.  I mean, nobody knows everything.  This dude who wrote the Eat for Your Blood Type books seems to have some knowledge, especially when it come sto allergens and emotional side effects of eatign certain foods, but surely he needs more documented research to prove that all he says is true.

Unfortunately, I do think the following has quite a bit of truth to it:

The legacy of your Type O ancestry causes an immediate “fight or flight” response in people of this blood type. However, this finely tuned response to stress, so vital in early Type O’s, is not always so beneficial in modern times. The Type O response can cause bouts of excessive anger, temper tantrums, hyperactivity and even create a severe enough chemical imbalance to bring about a manic episode. Since there is a powerful, synergistic relationship between the release of dopamine and feelings of reward, Type O is more vulnerable to destructive behaviors when overly tired, depressed or bored. These can include gambling, sensation seeking, risk taking, substance abuse and impulsivity. To avoid becoming overstressed, Dr. D’Adamo recommends following the Type O diet, which focuses on lean, organic meats, vegetables and fruits and avoid wheat and dairy which can be triggers for digestive and health issues in Type O. Additionally, he suggests that Type O’s avoid caffeine and alcohol. Caffeine can be particularly harmful because of its tendency to raise adrenaline and noradrenaline, which are already high for Type O’s.

He has me completely pegged with the destructive behaviors.  I purposely avoid alcohol when I'm feeling down because I lose the ability to recognize when I've had enough until I've already had too much - that was a difficult and embarrassing lesson to learn.  Sensation-seeking and risk-taking was basically all I ever did in my teens and 20's.  Hyperactivity and tantrums were common for me as a child.  Gambling has been and continues to be one of my favorite recreational activities.  When I get really bored, a casino run is usually top of mind.  Thankfully I don't live too close to any good ones.  I drink a lot of caffeine.  The warning that I shoudl avoid it makes me sad.  I love coffee.  Boo!  I have gone without coffee for months at a time, just to clear out the toxins and feel fresh.  I usually feel really good when I do it.  I just wish coffee wasn't so delicious.

a walk in the clouds

Oh man, what a couple of weeks it has been. I would like to say that I’m not still hung up on my disappointment from failing to summit Mt. Shasta. In fact, I say it quite frequently both to myself and others. I don’t want to be a person who is so focused on something in the distance that the beauty sitting before me goes unnoticed. No, I don’t want to be that kind of person.


I spent a week with an amazing group of people. Everyone there wanted to honor someone who struggled with Cancer. Some were survivors themselves. Out of 35 people, all but 8 reached the summit of Shasta. I had every intention of being part of that majority in spite of my recent illness. Unfortunately, that wasn’t likely. I keep thinking that I should’ve trained harder or pushed myself further, but it really just comes down to the fact that I didn’t take better care of myself at a time when it was crucial. On the mountain it was far too late to do anything about it.

Maybe the summit wasn’t supposed to be the goal of this trip for me. I opened up and grew close to a group of people in a way that I have never before experienced. Working at CB&C is a good intro to platonic adult intimacy, but climbing Mt. Shasta with the Breast Cancer Fund was like the AP course in platonic adult relationships. It took very little time to get to know everyone there better than most people I’ve known for several years.

We began our introductions with the reason why we’re participating in the climb – most of us were there to honor someone we’ve lost to Cancer and some were there to celebrate surviving it. It was Father’s Day. I was there to honor my father. I could barely get the words out, choking on my emotions. I was there to make a difference in the future so that my niece and her friends wouldn’t have to be in that place. We had five men in our group. As we went around the room, I found the men’s stories extremely touching because they were crying too. In my family that is unheard of. I mean, it’s already frowned upon for women to cry in our family because it’s a sign of weakness. For men it would just be blasphemous. From that day, I knew I was in for an experience like no other.

By the end of the week, I was hugging everyone. Yes, me! There were a few people that I thought were a little bit conceited, but I figured that was some sort of defense mechanism as well, so why take it personally? One person in particular always had something insulting to say about people. Towards the end of the trip, I managed to stop her from saying those things in my presence. I gently let her know that I believed everyone there was a valuable addition to the group, not in those words but she got the message. I began the week admiring her strength and drive because she is an accomplished author and a longtime survivor of Breast Cancer but, after talking with her and hearing her talk to other people, I realized that she’s just a person like the rest of us. With all of her achievements, she still needs something more to make her feel good about herself. It’s too bad that the something she chose was to criticize others but hey, nobody’s perfect. I suppose that means that aspiring to be more like her was probably not an appropriate goal from the beginning. I just need to be concerned with being an awesome Hester and forget about comparing myself to someone else.

I’m really intimidated by opening up and letting people in, but I am truly inspired by everyone who opened up to me. It’s not a sign of weakness to allow yourself to feel things and express those emotions. To be able to do that, get hurt and still come back and do it all over again, giving your completely genuine self each time, that is true strength. It’s okay to be afraid; you just need the courage to keep going in spite of that fear. Hmmm. Wasn’t that the message in Green Lantern?

I think I was more afraid of the crying and intimacy than I was of the mountain.  That said, I'm going back for that summit when I'm 100% healthy again.  Not sure how that fits into my marathon training, but somehow I doubt that will be an issue.

the rapture

A blind lady gets on the train with her seeing-eye dog. Not only do the people near the door stay seated, they argue with each other about which one of them should offer their seat to the lady. I wasn’t there when it happened, but had I been there would I have done something? It pisses me off. I would have given up my seat, no matter where it was. The question is, would I have said something to the rude people? After mulling it over for the past couple of hours, I’m pretty sure I would have just given up my seat or asked some nice young man to give up his. I have never liked confrontation. In fact, I rarely participate in it. Somebody has to really offend me to spark a reaction of that sort. I practically have to be cornered. Then, it’s on.


This morning I had a crazy dream. One of my friends told me that he was concerned about me because I don’t believe in God. Mind you, it’s not that I don’t have any spiritual beliefs. I just don’t buy the whole Supreme Being deal. I think that everything is connected. I think that there are times when people feel that connection more strongly than others. We experience rushes of emotion and clarity of vision, often brief and without warning. I think that these moments are so overwhelming for most of us that we instinctively block that flow of energy, cutting ourselves off from the connection. This idea that we are all separate beings is an illusion that is cultivated by modern society. It is in the interest of capitalism to make us believe that our actions have no consequences beyond what we each personally experience and that material possessions make us appear happy, young, beautiful and successful to others. At those times that people would describe as “feeling the presence of God”, I consider it a glimpse at my insignificance as a singular being by recognizing myself as a tiny piece of a bigger world. Some people do good because God wants them to. Some people do good because it makes them feel good. Some people do good to earn good karma. Whatever the reason, it looks the same from where I’m sitting.

Anyway, back to the dream. With all of this crazy weather, natural disasters and talk about the day of reckoning closing in on us, the dream strikes an interesting chord. What if the Aztecs and Mayans are right? From what I’ve read, which is probably just a miniscule fraction of the real deal, it’s not the literal end of the world; It’s a shift – not sure what type of shift because it’s open to interpretation. What if, just humor me here, what if it’s a tectonic shift?

Spring Sick Day #2

I missed the entire day yesterday, doped up with cold medicine. Today I feel much better but still too many crud symptoms to be in the office. As always, I have a sore and scratchy throat. I made some spicy noodle soup earlier and shared it with my brother, who is also home sick. It was almost too spicy. It hit the spot.

Yesterday I had a fever. The meds put me out must of the day and I sweated through my clothes a couple of times. I went for a hike on Mt Diablo with the Shasta climb group on Sunday. It rained and hailed, and the wind was freezing. I was ill-prepared. It's no surprise that I got sick.

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and now we get along...

Once in a while I realize that things don’t get me down like they used to. This is the one thing I am most thankful for. As a teen and young adult, I made many unsuccessful attempts at taking my own life and adopted some dangerous hobbies. Some might say that I really had no intention of really ending it, and that all I really wanted was attention. I suppose that was true. I wanted people to know how miserable life was. I wanted to make a dark and dramatic statement about the degradation of society and deteriorating family values. It all began when we stopped eating meals together at the table. We grew further and further apart. Suddenly, everyone was on their own. There was a vast, impassable distance between every member of my family. I could be allies with only one, and I had to choose. They made that absolutely clear. I sided with my father - the only person in our family who believed in me and told me so.  He was the first one to pass on, leaving those of us who remained bitter, hurt and isolated. We fought like injured, cornered wild animals. Most people would have left. Save yourself! I had that thought many times. I’m not entirely sure why I stayed. It could have been guilt (thanks Catholicism). I didn’t want to create another vacuum with my absence. The one my dad left was painful enough. They were sure to compare us yet again if I fled. I was, after all, just like him – so they say. Apparently a family resemblance was something to be ashamed of. We were kind of screwed up in that way.  I think that I just needed them.  Sure, they were mean, nasty and judgmental, but they were my family.  I couldn't make them supportive, but I could stay here and wait it out.  I thought I was waiting for them to change, but I was really just waiting to feel comfortable and stable enough inside myself to be able to stand up to their criticisms.  I would never receive their praise because it didn't exist.  They weren't really being mean; they just didn't know how to be nice.  The road of trial and error I had to travel to finally reach that realization was really really rough.  I made it though.  Yup, I made it.

if I could do it over

Today's question swirling around in my mind is, "When you see someone in tireless pursuit of their dream, how does that make you feel?"


In that first instant I am filled with joy, but when the moment passes there are so many other emotions fighting each other inside me. I think back to dreams I had as a young person and wonder what they could have become. I am nostalgic. I miss feeling hopeful about the future. I get angry because there are so many people in the world who want others to fail so they can feel better about themselves. I feel upset because I burned so many bridges, most of them unintentional. Then I wonder how today’s young people are faring. So much responsibility is on their shoulders. They seem to have even less time than we did to get things right.

After all that, I look around at the people I surround myself with and I am content. I wake up every day happy to be alive. I feel love around me. Can there really be much else to want? Sometimes I wonder if that makes me lazy. I guess today was one of those “sometimes” days. When I was young, I felt that way every day. There is so much pressure in youth.

switch

How many times must I attempt to write a blog before I finally do it?


Let’s see. Where should I start? Mom is visiting from the Philippines for another 2-3 weeks. My brother and sister-in-law now live in the house with me - read: 3 sets of bedroom furniture in just 2 bedrooms. I’m unattached (again). I’ve lost almost 10 lbs without really trying. I’ve gone back to clubbing on the weekends full time. I’m also gambling again. I think that pretty much sums it up.

I attended mountaineering school at Shasta about a month ago. It was cold. There was about 5 feet of fresh powder on the mountain during our class. I spent the following weekend at Squaw in similar conditions. I burned a full day’s worth of calories 15 minutes into my first run by falling into a snowhole off the groomed trail – lesson learned. By the time I realized that I was going to have to unstrap my board, I had no ego left to bruise. I licked my wounds with a spa package that afternoon and rounded out the night with booze and Nintendo. Not bad for a birthday weekend, eh? I have some new snow gear and a renewed respect for the mountain. I’d like to go back again, but this weekend is the end of ski season and I haven’t made any plans to get up there. I wish I lived closer to Tahoe. Maybe I should attempt a day trip on Friday. Let’s keep that on the backburner in case the shooting range date doesn’t work out… Yes, I have a shooting date on Friday.

I had a kickass workout last Thursday. My Shasta climb teammates weren’t feeling it so I showed up for the hour alone and slightly intimidated. The Terminator was really excited, and that just made me more nervous. I warmed up with 5 sets of stairs. Then platform jumps – It was about 3.5 ft platform because I wasn’t confident enough to do 4’. She told me that I could get a running start if I wanted, but that’s cheating. We’ll work up to 4 feet. Doing platform jumps makes me feel a little bit like a circus animal. I’m the only female here who can do them. It’s nice to hear the oohs and ahs once in a while, but having the trainers go, “hey everybody watch this” is just kinda weird. Platform jumps, kettle bell walking lunges and pushups on the ball (right hand, left hand then both hands) were one circuit. Then I pushed the punching bag up and down the hallway for 6 round trips, more ball pushups, pull-up bar hangs, another set of platform jumps and cool down with another 5 sets of stairs. That’s 50 minutes.

I caught the Martial Arts demos at CalAcademy Nightlife and then headed over to PST at Eve later that night. It was so boring! I kept drinking Red Bull, waiting for wings that never came. When I got home at 2AM, I was tired and wired. I woke up every 15-30 minutes until my alarm went off. Needless to say, my Friday night plans were completely ruined.  I woke up on Friday feeling like hell and somehow managed to drag my ass to work and back.  It was a miracle.

I got some Shimano SPD pedals and Pearl Izumi mtb shoes, which I had planned on taking for their first ride on Friday night for Roll Deep: a celebration of the art and style of the bicycle (the ride followed by the party). I suppose it was for the best that I didn’t go. I ended up needing a second tightening of the shoe clips after about a half hour on the bike. I took her out on Saturday and made a childish ass of myself riding through the hood yelling, “Wheeeeeee!” It’s the little things sometimes.

As for this being single again business, there’s really no story behind it. We had a good run. Hopefully I’ll meet someone new soon. Until then I’ll just entertain myself the same as always. As you were…