The problem with having really hot friends of the opposite sex is that it can get really difficult to avoid objectifying them. I had a conversation with one of the hot men in my life last night during our Monday evening ride. This is racing season, so he’s really lean and cut. I had to keep reminding myself to look at his wheel and not his ass when I drafted behind him on our return trip. I wouldn’t say that this is necessarily a complaint. I’m just admitting that I am human and just as influenced by flesh as the next person. I didn’t really think much about whether or not he does the same thing in his head when our positions are reversed; I just brushed it off as part of the territory. It’s not quite like hanging with Killa B, who I occasionally remind that he’s got the nicest set of cheeks I’ve seen on a straight man in years. With OMB, I do my best to steer conversations out of that territory when they threaten to go gutter. He’s got a pretty serious GF. I had my chance to make something happen with him years ago, but decided that I’d rather be friends. I have never regretted that choice. He is a good friend. I can’t say that about any ex BF.
During our convo last night, he had what I like to call “race brain”. He has been consistently fatigued for so long that he’s starting to lose his mind. The condition is temporary and usually not dangerous. Outside of him needing to take a little bit more caution crossing the street, he should live to recover from it. He couldn’t hold much of a conversation. He couldn’t concentrate on any topic in particular. He took a while to figure out when I was poking fun at him. He almost got hit by a semi when he took his eyes off the road. Poor guy. At one point during the ride (right after the semi incident), I looked over at him and thought ‘you are so lucky that you’re hot.’ For the rest of our ride, I pretty much just looked after him as much as possible, nodded when he spoke and tried my best not to openly check him out.
We talked at length about training because we’re both on that page right now. I asked about how far we’d ridden, and he said that his odometer wasn’t working. “You suck.”
“Why don’t you get your own damn odometer?”
“I need an odometer like I need a scale.” One thing I have learned recently is that I should not measure things that are not important. I explained to him about how my OCD latches on to something and doesn’t let it go – like weight. Working at a fitness and health-oriented company, it is common for women to get obsessed with their weight. Also, I work with a whole mess of athletes. As someone who is not inclined toward athletic competition, it can be especially stressful. Many of the women here count every calorie they consume and track their workouts every day. I, on the other hand, lead a more intuitive lifestyle. I’m not a small woman, but my doctor isn’t concerned about my weight, my BMI is in a healthy range and I’m stronger and fitter than the average person walking on the street. I’m even stronger than some of the athletes I work with. Most importantly, I am happy with it. Well, I thought I was happy with it.
Once I started running again, it brought up feelings of inferiority. I want to have better stamina, go faster, play harder and have my skin pull taut over my muscles. The issue I am having is with the ridiculous amount of maintenance this requires. I like the idea of lazy Sundays, relaxing vacations and luxurious spa retreats. My idea of a fun time is not a 7 mile run uphill with sweat pouring down my face, my back and the crack of my ass. Well, that didn’t used to be my idea of a fun time. I am changing my perspective in this regard.
I still want to avoid becoming obsessed with my weight and focus intently on the training itself. OMB said that he could barely run two blocks without stopping. He is awesome on a bike though. Like anything else, it’s just conditioning. “The beginning is always hard.” I told him. “I’ve done it before, so I know I can do it. It’s all in my head. I just have to make up my mind to stick it out and it’ll get easier.”
This morning I got up at 6 to run the lake. This is a good time for me because the sky has some light in it but there aren’t very many people out there yet. When I went out at an earlier time last week, I felt afraid because I was alone and there were random men just wandering around in the dark. Every time my thoughts started going into self-defeat, I made a conscious decision to shut them up and just deal with it. Whining and complaining never helps anything. In my determination to just be in the moment instead of fighting myself, I actually had a breakthrough! It was my strongest run so far, and my upset stomach didn’t happen until I was already back home. Ideally I wouldn’t get an upset stomach at all, but that should get better as I get more conditioned to it. If I remember correctly, it takes a few weeks of relatively hard training to get past it. Then I rode my bike to work and I did about 2/3 of the workout in my Tuesday afternoon personal training hour. I mainly showed up to provide my counterparts with moral support. We did a bunch of push-ups, so it was beneficial. When I do hit the bed tonight (earlier than the usual 10PM), I will probably sleep solid for at least 8 hours. I’m going to try to give myself 9.5 hours of uninterrupted sleep. I’m aiming for falling asleep around 9ish. That probably means no TV.
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