Observing Life

It never ceases to amaze me how much double-standard behavior goes on in daily life. Everyone wants to be handled with kid gloves but they don’t use that same consideration for others. Let’s take telling the truth for instance; everyone says they want you to tell the truth but when you do they act like you’ve just spit on them. Even if what you said is completely neutral and just stating facts, they feel as though it was a personal attack and react emotionally. I do it occasionally, and I did it all the time when I was younger. It confuses me when people I consider logical and emotionally intelligent have this reaction. I obsess about it for days, wondering whether or not I meant anything by it. I run through it over and over. Was there a better way to say it? Should I have just said what they needed to hear? Did I know what that was at the time? Was I insensitive? It usually ends there. Of course I was insensitive. Everyone is on occasion, and that has been a common complaint about me for years. After I’ve gone through this process, I often find myself having learned nothing more than patience. Patience is the one thing most lacking in my life. It’s funny how you receive the things you’ve asked for.


I find comfort in old songs and sayings I’d forgotten – coming in contact with something that hasn’t changed is surprisingly calming. I’ve also reconnected with dear friends from the past. Although I am seemingly always unsure of what’s on the horizon or even my own mood from day to day, I wouldn’t describe this phase as a struggle. When I filled my days with anxiety and my nights with sensation-seeking, I had so much to talk about and a ridiculously tight schedule (not to mention Plans B and C and so on). My life now looks boring in comparison, but I don’t feel bored at all. There are subtleties that I never noticed before.