Calm and Centered

I’ve been in a funk over the past couple of week s because of the emotional roller coaster of infatuation and all the excessive spending that comes along with it. The budget is starting to tighten and it is making me very uncomfortable.

I’m the type of person who is always seeking stimulation, something that meditation would help to control if only I’d do it. I’m really out floating on the seas of uncertainty. My mood changes with the weather. It’s a tough spot to be in, but I get this feeling that most people feel this way. We’re all looking for some sort of escape from our regular lives. Whether we find it in liquor, dancing, fishing or smoking pot really depends on the person. I used to find mine dancing. Now, the places where I used to go dance are all tainted by my recent spike in alcohol consumption. I can’t go there and not drink anymore. It’s distressing. I’ve turned to writing these damn blogs to keep me sane and try to get a handle on it. I haven’t threatened anyone, I haven’t shown up at work intoxicated and I haven’t been asked to leave a bar or nightclub for being too drunk - so far so good I guess.

This past weekend I ran most of a 10K. It went better than expected, considering I hadn’t trained for it at all. We have a few walk breaks and a port-a-potty stop. My knee is a little tender today and my hips are creaky, but nothing terribly unusual. In fact, I’m rather pleased with the outcome. Now, if I can just keep it going on my own. I set the Hal Higdon Marathon Training Schedule for Novices as my home page to remind me to put some mileage in during the week. I’m hoping I get a comp to the Nike Women’s Marathon this year . They have the cutest gear and the best goodie bag. Also, that hill just past Aquatic Park has my name all over it…

I’m just taking it one day at a time right now. I realized this morning that I haven’t been in love in forever. That door is closed, but not bolted shut. I need to be in a happy place for that to happen - not the fake one that exists when I’m tipsy, but the REAL happy place where I am taking good care of myself, handling my responsibilities efficiently and effectively without undue stress and really treasuring my friends and family.