Just as there are numerous websites and TV programs advertising the newest way to lose weight and have a perfect body, there is also a self-acceptance movement gaining strength. “Your body is not wrong.” “Start a revolution. Stop hating your body.” I like where this is going. I totally need this too! I need to accept myself the way I am and feel comfortable in my own skin. The few pounds I’ve put on during the past year need love. The more I fight my current situation, the worse I feel. It's just not healthy.
I finished the Deepak Chopra book and started listening to the audio recording of “A New Earth” by Eckhart Tolle. It’s blowing my mind. I find myself either responding verbally to the recording or exploring my emotional attachment to a memory that it has evoked. That happens EVERY time I listen to it. It’s often uncomfortable, but I feel like this needs to happen. I can feel myself changing. It’s weird. I mean, everyone changes every day. We are constantly changed by our life experiences, usually without any awareness of it. I can actually feel my mind shifting through the physical reactions in my body. I’ve had some very disturbing memories resurface, and I can feel every fiber in my body tense. I feel just awful when that happens. Instead of pushing that memory out and trying to block the emotional response, I just sit with it. I remind myself that these are things that happened to me or things I’ve done, not who I am. That’s a big part of the book, separating experiences, social archetypes, ego and physical forms from who you are. You are not your body, your role in society, your experiences or any of the things that make up the labels that we commonly use to classify things.
It was good that I went through Deepak’s book first. It prepped me for this one. I’m going to listen to it twice - maybe more. Naturally I still have cynical questions and feedback. Sometimes the concepts just sound too imaginative. I have trouble determining if I’m just having an ego-protective reaction or if what’s being discussed is just confusing or even downright crazy. Since I have been so anti-organized religion most of my life, I’m more open to thinking about many of the concepts. I don’t think I’ve EVER spent so much time figuring out how I feel about spirituality, myself and what makes me truly happy.
I'm in a blissful place right now. I’ve lived my entire life trying to figure out how to label myself and never being satisfied with any. The times when I felt best represented by words were when I described how I felt: I’m hurt, I’m happy, I’m okay, I’m over it. Even the most authentic label or title I could find, I am a writer, still doesn’t quite fit. Labeling myself is so permanent, so limiting. I’m afraid of being trapped (not physically, but by obligation). That is probably the biggest hurdle that I must overcome in my mind. Thankfully, I’m making progress. Now that I'm convinced that there is no need to feel guilty, confused or lost because I don't have a title, a great weight has been lifted.
No comments:
Post a Comment