Friday, January 20, 2012

dissecting resolutions

The best part of keeping a journal (and a blog) is that I can go back, read what I wrote and find the patterns.  The biggest pattern in the past year or so is how hard I’ve been on myself.  I shook my head while reading some of my training logs.  Do I really intend on having this as a standard?  When people ask me what I’m training for, the answer is usually “life”.  Is life really that physically demanding?    Do I really need to feel so bad when I don’t measure up to what I imagine I should be?  I know so many people who make their lives more difficult by getting in their own way.  I have been one of them.  My reflex is to punish myself for that too.  When did I become this person?  I sound like most of the other single 30-something women I know: self-deprecating perfectionists.  Nothing is ever good enough.  Therefore, why do anything at all.

My resolution is to let all of that go.  Good riddance.

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