back to the regularly scheduled programming

My throat culture results came back negative for strep throat. I feel like celebrating! Well, I feel like celebrating on the inside; on the outside I probably appear to need some sleep. The four consecutive days without exercise have my sleep clock all screwed up. I fell asleep after 11PM last night and around midnight the night before. Although I hadn’t received my test results yet, I finally gave in to my body’s need for endorphins and jogged around the lake yesterday evening when I got home. It was delightful – it kind of scares me that I just wrote that about running. I switched out all the fast music in my mp3 player for tracks from a few of the down tempo Buddha Bar CDs. That was a very good move. I need the music to regulate my breathing and strides. When I listen to fast music, I usually hyperventilate. I am trying to make these experiences as pleasant as possible so I can associate running with enjoyment. Once I am able to do that, I can build on it.

I am in an introvert phase right now. I finally pulled the guitar out of the closet a couple of nights ago. I’ve been getting up and journaling every morning before dawn, and I’m feeling more inclined to pursue the self-improvement projects I've been putting off. I do this from time to time. I think it’s the nature of a woman, to restore and reinvent herself. I still want to play with people, but I’m ready to have a shift in the type of crowd I play with. I’m taking a lot of pleasure in enhancing my solitary life right now, and I want to be around others who provide that same kind of pleasure for themselves. I feel myself pulling away from the bar and club scene. Something is changing. I’m not sure what is going to happen. I am filled with anticipation, but I am not in a hurry. This time, right now, is so full of hope and potential.


I think this is the opportune moment to bring back my regular meditation practice. I’ll try putting it in right after guitar practice so I can calm my mind down before I go to bed. Learning to play an instrument is so frustrating that I’ve never been able to really stick to it. As a child I jumped from one musical instrument to the next trying to find something that I could have patience with. I’ve attempted the guitar a handful of times. None of those attempts have lasted more than two weeks. Is this time going to be different? Let’s hope so. That would be a good sign.