I loaned Secret Squirrel some money a while back, and I finally detached myself from its repayment last week. Considering how he still hasn’t returned my DVDs, which he didn’t seem to have any desire to watch in the first place, I thought I should take that as a sign of where I stand. I sent him a text saying, “If you’re not going to pay me back, I‘d like you to at least tell me.” I didn’t think it was an unreasonable request, considering how we parted on relatively good terms. However, I wasn’t expecting much. You know how people can be unpredictable. If he was harboring some sort of resentment, which I didn’t know for sure since we don’t talk anymore, I figured that the chances were pretty good that I may not get an answer at all. ‘So be it’, I thought. “I said my piece.”
About half an hour later, he called my desk. “No matter what happened between us, the money is completely separate.” Is this a sign? Have I finally turned the corner? I want it to be true. I want to be mature enough to have logical resolutions to life’s challenges. I want to have mutual respect with people no matter what capacity in which we are associated. We spoke for about 10 minutes, and I felt compelled to end the conversation during the second awkward silence. We used to talk on the phone for hours. I could feel him missing that. Is that a weird thing to say? I just knew I had to end it before it evolved into something uncomfortable. I didn’t want him to think I called because I miss him; I just wanted him to know that the loan is not forgiven just because the “relationship” has dissolved. I did ask him how he was doing, but I didn’t feel like it was appropriate to go any further than that. He told me that he wanted to start paying me back ASAP and would be contacting me over the next couple of weeks to make arrangements. I filed the topic away as resolved in my mind, done. Awesome.
A few days later, a few minutes after 10PM, Killa B and I were lying in bed watching TV and my cell phone rang. I sat up quickly, and he asked what was wrong. I told him I heard my phone ringing, and he said, “Booty call!” I laughed it off, but I felt nervous because no one ever calls me after ten on a weeknight unless they’re stranded and need a ride. It was Secret Squirrel. I looked at KB and said, “I think you’re right.” Then I turned off the ringer and got back in bed without answering it. I figure if it’s something important he would have left a message or he would call me back at a more reasonable hour.
Yesterday morning, SS called me at my desk and asked how soon I could meet him down the street at Peet’s. I told him I’d be down there as soon as my conference call ended. Naturally, I was thinking that this would be the first installment of repayment. I had an extremely busy day, so I took a community bike to make the trip brief. I get down to Fourth St and he’s sitting at the bagel shop. I sat down and he started in on the “I need to get something off my chest” conversation. I thought, “Dammit, not this.” Yadda yadda yadda… ‘I think you’re special”… yadda yadda yadda… “If I were the type to have a real relationship with someone”… yadda yadda yadda… “I feel like we didn’t get a chance to have a last hurrah.” He asked if there was some possibility that I may need a lover on the side. It was the typical man conversation. I think he meant it as a compliment, but I was disappointed. I also felt really uncomfortable with the way he was looking at me. I knew how he wanted me to respond, but he had to just be satisfied with the knowledge that I heard his request. Being a cheater doesn’t appeal to me, and I was offended that he would even imply that it might. Men say they respect someone honest, loyal and faithful, but in the same breath they will try to influence you to be the opposite. Furthermore, two months into a new relationship is not the time for the ex to propose closure.
No comments:
Post a Comment