I’ve been taking the bullshit and really just internalizing my irritation. I know that the best thing to do when people are acting out in a particularly passionate manner for no apparent reason is to just be calm and try not to make things worse. I was doing okay following that rule…until Tuesday night.
The apartment management office had some error in the system where all of the dates for 2010 were entered as 2009, so my free rent month of January 2010 didn’t come up as free. When I got home from work Tuesday (the most hellish day I’ve had since at least as far back as October dealing with people and their meltdowns, attitudes and emergencies), there was notice on my door that said I should pay my rent within 3 days of the notice (which was dated 1/13, although the day I received it was 1/19 – only serving to worry me even worse) or move out. I’d been on pins and needles all day, starting with getting ripped a new one early that morning by the office manager on a tirade. She does that from time to time, and I just happened to do something she didn’t approve of at the wrong time. The rest of the day went on to be just as frustrating and I needed to bitch about it. So I called this longtime friend and started ranting about the 3-day notice. Instead of helping me by saying something calming or supportive, he says, “The boy [KB] did something there [at the apartment building] while you were at work, and now they are trying to get rid of you.” At first, I said to myself ‘okay this MF must be high or drunk or something’ so I told him to please just be realistic and supportive. Then he says, “Think about it…” Was that supposed to make me believe he was sane? Yeaaaaaaah. So after I tell him to quiet his crazy voice and let go of the conspiracy theory – since I’d already talked to the on-site manager who assured me that the office probably just forgot – he goes on this tangent about not approving of me ever being involved with KB, me letting him move in here after he advised against it and he never liked the guy to begin with yada yada yada. Then he said that he didn’t know whether to be mad at KB or at me! When I told him to back off, he said some nonsense about his criticism being for my own good as a friend. Naturally I let his ass have it!
“You need some therapy because you are sounding really crazy right now… I understand that because we’ve been friends so long, the line may be blurry but don’t make that the reason for you to cross it… This is my life and the decision of who is in it or not in it is mine to make. ” After a ten minute silence he started again, but I didn’t bother to even read the rest of his texts. I just deleted them and went on about my evening. It was probably some mediocre backpedaling. At this point, I don’t give a shit. He has already said too much. At the end of the conversation (or rather the end of my participation in it) I drew a new line between myself and this “friend” because he is emotionally overinvested. In my opinion, this was not a platonic friend conversation. I don’t have any plans of making our friendship into anything more intimate, and I’m not comfortable with the slightest resemblance of that happening. Let’s take out any possible confusion.
He apologized on Wednesday afternoon and I shot back the same advice as the night before – get some therapy. He started in on the excuses for why he couldn’t get it or didn’t need it, but I don’t give a shit. Either he can get some therapy or he can find a new friend – period. I am not going down with the ship. I’m even kicking myself a little to have let it come this far.
Wednesday morning, the day started off as though there hadn’t been any change in my state of karmic affairs, but after getting my feet wet with Mr. Mother-Friend the night before, I finally said ‘fuck this’. I bit and scratched my way out of the corner that I’d been bullied into – shining the light of day on some questionable happenings at work and speaking my mind about things I had let slide to avoid conflict or just out of pure laziness. Now, we’re back to normal…or perhaps better. I’m hoping that I’ve stood up for myself enough to remind people that I can be an asshole too. If you like me to be nice, then you need to reciprocate.
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