I had this grand idea that I should start a new blog with a theme that made me feel more compelled to update it on a regular basis. I wanted to make it anonymous so I could say whatever I wanted without offending anyone. Meanwhile, I browsed through Craigslist in the sections I don’t normally look at and decided I’d brave the Casual Encounters area. It’s a goldmine, of course, but a goldmine of what? There are literally hundreds of ads asking for everything from a quick hookup in a convenient spot to doggie-style in a bathtub full of cereal (he even insisted on 2% milk). There are also pictures… pictures that would make these guys’ mothers cringe with just the thought. Come on people, if you are going to put your wares on display at least trim the hair a little.
I’ve always found the experience of looking at a penis to be very strange – whether it’s from a clinical or sexual perspective, on a photo or in the flesh. It’s just weird. Naturally, you have to look at it! I mean, you don’t just grab a bottle of pills off the store shelf and pop one in your mouth without at least reading the label, right? You even read labels of the things you aren’t planning on buying at all. It’s sort of the same concept. I guess I just feel a little bit wrong poking, prodding and examining someone like a piece of produce. There is a person attached to it, you know. I admit that I am often guilty of forgetting that detail, especially as I get older. I’m just not interested in all the niceties that come along with the screening process anymore. I’m over dating. I’m over making a good impression, getting dolled up and holding in my farts.
I spend so much energy trying to find the nice way to say shit to people all the time, and it still comes out sounding harsh. You know why? Because no one just tells the simple truth anymore! Are you in love with me? The answer is either yes or no. If you don’t want to hear the answer, don’t ask the question. People go around asking all these questions, but they don’t want you to answer the questions truthfully; they only want you to tell them what they want to hear. And you’re supposed to figure out what they want to hear based on the question they asked. That is some bullshit.
I’m taking a stand, dammit! I am not going to do the dance anymore. Everyone keeps dancing around the real issues and eventually you just forget what they are. Well, here they are (in my opinion of course):
1) If you don’t respect yourself, you don’t know how to pay someone else respect.
2) If you can’t be happy alone, you won’t be any happier in a relationship (or drunk, or in another state, or with a new group of friends, etc).
3) The only thing you can control is what you are doing right now – not other people, not the past and not the future.
4) No one can read your mind. You should tell people what you want from them and be as specific as possible. If they don’t need that many details, they’ll let you know. If it hurts their feelings, then you were looking in the wrong place for what you wanted anyway.
5) Don’t take everything so personally. The world does not revolve around one person, and nobody is out to get you or hurt your feelings. I guarantee that the person who cut me off in traffic this morning did not wake up thinking, “Oh yeah, Imma get her ass today.”
6) The things that are real in your mind are not necessarily real to other people. The priorities that I consider the absolute most common sense are absolutely not common sense to the next person. I have mistakenly made that assumption countless times and will probably continue to do so. In fact, that is my main motivation for creating this list in the first place.
So, is this perspective perverse? I’m sure it is to someone, but that’s fine. I can’t please everyone, and I’m not going to start trying. I just had to remind myself that I created this blog to be an outlet, not to make new friends or compliment the people who read it. It’s my rant and rave space. .. all mine. If someone chooses to read it, great. If not, great. So, I am not starting a new blog. This is it. I've sent out invites to read specific posts and ended up censoring myself out of fear that those people may continue to read the blog and happen upon something they find offensive. How stupid is that? It's titled The Art of Perversion for crying out loud! Seriously, what was I thinking?
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