a moment to exhale

The eye of the storm always feels calm. Its stillness often gives the inexperienced a false sense of security, and they believe that they've survived the worst of it. I have no such misconceptions. 

I took Natasha in for a clay rub, wax and carpet shampoo at a family owned detail shop I found in my wanderings. One of my passengers this week spilled a drink in the back and I somehow acquired a shower of tiny white paint spots on the front grille and hood that weren't removed by a regular wash. The guy said it would be an hour, so I grabbed a Lyft to Denny's for pancakes a la carte since I was so far away from home.

Instead of getting another ride back, I decided to walk the mile and a half. It was a toasty 87 degrees, considerably warmer than the late winter temperatures at home but far cooler than the 110-117's I had to endure for several weeks during the summer. I took off my sweatshirt and wrapped it around my waist as I strolled back towards the shop. 

Along the way I listened to Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts and took note of the small businesses that I otherwise wouldn't notice. There are so many different types of drivers in Phoenix that I often find that I need to use my entire presence to provide a safe, comfortable ride for my passengers. Walking allows me the freedom to really look at my surroundings.

This particular audio book combined with the current set of troubles has been a relentless barrage of emotions dredged up from the ugly past and countless unrealistic and unfulfilled longings I've locked away. Taking in the sights and pressing the phone up to my ear to hear the words over the din of traffic, I noticed how peaceful everything is. Although this is a city with thousands of people around me all the time, it is far calmer and slower than San Francisco. I tried to feel myself in it, as a part of it, and I found it easier than it had been for the past year. I could be okay here. Then, I looked down and saw a playing card lying on the grass near the edge of the sidewalk - the Queen of clubs. I walked in a few paces, paused, went back and picked up the card. I looked it up on the Internet because I recalled seeing somewhere that a deck of playing cards can be interpreted in a similar way to Tarot. After reading the entry, I slid the card into my pocket.

"positive and strong willed, the Queen of Club are practical and decisive in their application of knowledge. Likewise, their quest for knowledge is insatiable, and they are impatient and intolerant of ignorance or mental laziness in others.

The women Queen of Clubs are not domestic. They don't know the meaning of subservience let alone how to play the part! The male Queen of Club, although seldom lacking in sympathy, need to learn to handle their tempers. All are natural leaders in any profession they follow.

Besides their deep and sometimes obsessive urge for a personal love, the Queen of Club craves financial success for the respect it brings. They are generous and good spenders, and prefer to make money by their own efforts."