as it is within, so it is without

I feel much better. Now that I've let go of the disappointment of not finishing this trade school program in one attempt, I am not panicked. I'm still going for it, but I am now free from the desperation that made me feel like I was constantly scrambling and clawing for a hold. I have been grieving the loss of a safety net for over a year. It's time to shake it off and go on with my life. 

My fitness and eating habits have probably suffered the most. I haven't figured out how to repair them just yet, but I know that is coming with the reduction of anxiety. I'm still looking for work too, but I've managed to patch together enough income potential with the rideshare and delivery services. I'm still figuring out the best times and areas to work in, but I'm doing okay. Once I have a positive week when I make more than the bare minimum that I need to survive, I will have some good momentum.

As for the tuition, the donations came to a halt and I still don't have enough. I can't bring myself to beg for more. I will ask the school for an extension. If they say no, I'll let them suspend me until I come up with the money on my own. It'll be much easier to do if I don't have those five hours a day in class anyway.