Welcome back chaos

I worked a nine hour day before school today. I made $50. I worked three hours yesterday and made only $5 before giving it up and coming home to do laundry, go through two weeks of mail and clean my apartment. I need to make an average of $700 a week to be in the black. I'm not sure how to do that. On good days I can make $150. I wish they were more frequent, although they are usually physically and mentally exhausting. I don't mind feeling tired to secure financial stability.

I've tried everything short of breaking the law, and the only thing that temporarily seemed to work was when I allowed myself four hours of sleep midday Monday through Friday, eight hours on Saturday morning and twelve hours on Sunday. After a month of that schedule, I could no longer function safely. My judgment was impaired, and I frequently zoned out behind the wheel. I almost ran down a pedestrian. That was the day I decided to stop depriving myself of sleep. I've held three traditional jobs and I now drive for five different services as an independent contractor. I am hustling like fucking crazy. It should be enough. I don't understand why it's not. Maybe I should try attending the afternoon class and driving early mornings and evenings instead. I don't know. My head hurts. I just don't know what to do. 

The school is trying to phase out night classes altogether. After moving me to nights due to overcrowding in the morning, they now say that morning will soon be the only option. I had to give up jobs to accommodate the goddamn class schedules, and they're just continuing to dick me around. I've fucking had it!

Mom called me today practically begging me to come home. She will be sent to a hospice if I don't. I'm going to look into moving her here instead so I can at least continue going to school. If I go home without the certification I came for, I'll be stuck with the debt without the benefit. Mom has a reverse mortgage on her house, so if she gets sicker and requires a hospice stay, I'll be stuck with the debt, no certification and no place to live. I don't know which is worse: staying here and being homeless while finishing school or going to going back to California, caring for my mother and still ending up homeless without finishing. Are those really the only two choices?

If you're there, God, this would be a great time to let me hit the lottery. I need a miracle like that. I need divine assistance. I've reached the end of my resourcefulness and positivity. I need someone else to take over now. I am so tired.

Maybe I'm cursed. Although I have no doubt that mom would not do the same for me, I cannot let her pleading go unanswered. I'm not that kind of person. Maybe I'm meant to live on the street, dependent on the charity of strangers. Maybe I should just accept it as my fate. I don't understand why I am doing so well in school only to have everything possible go wrong and pull me away from it. School is the only place where I flourish. Why does the universe want to take it away? I don't understand.